Research paper is consuming

Well, I have not been cooking much lately. I must finish this paper for my Genetic Anthro class. Only a few more weeks left in the semester and I can finally finish my Anthropology degree. I had completed all of my coursework back in 1999, but left one class without completing a research paper. I had an A in the course. It was called Cults and the Millenium. Perfect topic for the Fall of '99 when everyone thought the world was going to end as the digits turned over to 2000. Remember Y2K? Anywho, I never completed my research paper and received an incomplete which eventually turned into an F. Because failed coursework does not apply to a degree, I found myself 3 hrs shy of an Anthro degree. Well as time passed (10 years), the requirements for the degree changed and I now needed to complete 6 hrs to obtain my degree. This was no biggie to complete while I also studied pre-med. But, now that I have discontinued my venture into pre-med, my only goal for returning to school will be to FINALLY complete this degree. Then, I plan on working toward an associates degree in nursing. I would pursue a BS in nursing, but then I run into the same issues I did with pre med. Full time course work and no money for full time day care. Also with pre med, if I did get into a medical school, it means leaving Austin and expecting my husband to find work elsewhere to support us. He has really carved out a career for himself in sound design for video games. He has his own career ambitions and it really was not fair of me to expect him to bail on his career so I could pursue becoming a physician. Plus, now that I have been spending more time with my children, I cannot imagine being so dedicated to medicine that I pass up these precious moments with them. Maybe I can still pursue medicine later, when they are in elementary school. Never say never. But, for now I am excited about my path. However, while working on this research paper, I find myself so consumed and fascinated with the world of biology and genetics. In another life I would love to use my background in Anthropology and my love for biology to pursue a career in research, academia, and medicine. My husband often mentions his analogy of life to archery. He tells me I am in the process of pulling back my arrow and aiming on a target. But, the truth is, I have set down my bow and arrow in order to teach my little ones how to use their own. For the moment, I am not really worried about my own bulls eye, I am worried about cultivating their aim in life. I know that I am young and I have time ahead of me to pursue a career, but for now, it is their time to shine and it is my job to polish them. As much as I love science and academia and as much as I want to prove to myself and the world that I can redeem myself from my party girl days by becoming some bad ass career woman, the truth is that time has passed for me! At least for now. When my children are older, I have faith a career will culminate. For now, the real reward is ensuring my children do better and have better opportunities. It all starts with me paying attention and getting to know what makes them tick. All of my life experiences have come together for this moment. I look forward to completing my degree and spending my time re-building my massage practice. I actually thought I was done with massage for good. If you had asked me a year ago, I would have said that I would be totally bummed and feel like a failure if I had to keep working as a massage therapist. But, I now appreciate what massage has meant for me and having time away has been good. I feel revived and look forward to adding more modalities and knowledge to my practice. As time permits I want to give back by volunteering for hospice. I am not sure what I will gain from volunteering for hospice, but I feel very drawn to do this. As well, I want to learn more about eastern modalities like Chinese acupressure & thai massage. I used to work for a massage business that trained me really well in deep tissue but I often found their approach one dimensional. I often felt limited to one type of client and unable to broaden their theraputic experience by applying other methods than deep tissue. Even though deep tissue is extremely effective and I am grateful for the training I received, I know I have more to learn. When I quit, I knew it was necessary for my own growth in order to become the massage therapist I am meant to be and find the clients I am meant to connect with. After leaving that job I was fairly successful in building my own business. But because the majority of my clients came from the connections I made while working at my previous place of employment, I found I had the same limitations. I lost my zest and found myself irritated having to do the same type of massage and little opportunity to expand into other modalities. During all of this I had two babies and decided to go back to school. I pretty much gave up on massage all together. The glory of my present situation is that I am in a beautiful position to re-invent myself as a massage therapist in the way I always envisioned. I feel like great things lie ahead of me. While slowly working on becoming an RN, I plan on building a massage practice that I will continue to operate on the side while working as a nurse. This way I can continue to offer clients a holistic method of massage which incorporates a tailored and intuitive theraputic session based on the individual. If and when I become an NP, I would love very much to operate a medical clinic that provides patients of all ages with access to massage and other non-traditional treatments for stress and pain management. Likewise, I have really discovered a love for yoga and am considering becoming a certified instructor. I know it sounds like a lot, but even in my non-ambitiousness, I find myself very ambitious. I can't help myself. We'll see about the yoga instructor training. Tuition is very costly and we are not exactly rich in financial resources. Rich in other things, yes, but not in cash money. Lately however, I am rich in faith and feel my path is upon me regardless of what may appear to be road blocks.....like lack of money. Money can be a tricky illusion in the regard that having plenty and having none are both self made barriers to personal growth. Wow! I did not mean to go off on such a tangent. Oh well, its not like anyone reads this anyhow. This blog is more of a personal journal. I really meant for it to be solely about cooking with a focus on vegan diet. But, I guess it can be more. My husband's mother and aunts visited us this weekend and came with arm loads of Rudy's bar-b-que. So, we have been eating a ton of meat and are in much need of some plant focused meals. However, the BBQ was freaking delicious!!! Especially those ribs! Plus, money is tight, so we really appreciated the break from groceries and I appreciated the break from cooking. Now the BBQ is all gone and it is time to cook. This week I am going to make some fig inspired desert bars. I have a ton of figs and need to use them quick. The other day I made some homemade fig jam. It was awesome!!!
Okay, back to my paper!
BTW above photos are the costumes I made Tommy and Vivian for Halloween. Tommy refused to wear his just like last year when I made him a Munoz (from Yo Gabba Gabba) costume. Did I mention that I also double majored in Fashion Design at UT and had a brief stint doing costuming for film? But that is a whole other story not worth going into. The only relevance of sewing to my life currently is to make costumes for my children. However, I love sewing very much and let's just say my mother was never fond of my desire to make a career in the textile industry. Like I said, that is a whole other story.....one which may require time with a psycho-therapist for me to fully understand. At any rate, sewing and garment construction for me is a hobby to be explored further......ta ta! Must get back to my research paper or I may be doomed to repeat the curse of 1999...then I will never graduate! Ayeeee!

Vegan Potato Flautas w/Roasted Tomatillo Salsa

To start this dish is two part. First peel, cut and boil about 8 small new potatoes to prepare for the filliing and then char tomatillos, onions, peppers and garlic for the sauce. I use about 8-10 tomatillos, one onion, 5 cloves garlic, one poblano pepper and a jalapeno. I de-seed the peppers and cut them into stips. I peel the tomatillos and garlic, I roughly chop up the onion, then I place them in a saute pan and spray them with a little olive oil and char them on a fairly high heat. Meanwhile the potatoes are boiling. After the veggies are charred, I set aside 2-3 garlic cloves and place the rest into a blender with the juice of one lime and some sea salt. There you go, the salsa is complete. At this point I break out some chips to enjoy the warm salsa while I finish the dinner. I love warm roasted salsa. And of course it is nicely complimented with my cold glass of white wine. Tonight I am drinking Bonterra Vineyard Savignion Blanc. Pretty yummy. When the potatoes are mushy, I place them in a blender or large food processor with one package of soft tofu, the remaining charred garlic cloves, a few tbs. nooch, about 2/3 cup soy milk and some sea salt. I then spooned filling into the center of a tortilla and rolled it fairly thin. I tightly packed each rolled tortilla in a glass baking dish and baked on 425 for 20 minutes. I used flour tortillas. After baking, the "flautas" were more like chimichangas which was tasty, but I was really craving the crunch of a flauta, so next time I will use corn tortillas. An alternative to baking would be to pan fry with a little oil. After I pulled the dish out of the oven, I covered with salsa and then topped it off with shredded cabbage. I had a lot of filling left over per a 20 pack of tortillas. This recipe could have easily filled 40 tortillas.
The dish is fine as is, but I wanted to try a little queso fresco on top, which of course is not vegan. I found the queso fresco really did not add much to the dish. Keeping it vegan would have been just as satisfying. For the side dishes, I simmered white beans with hatch green chilies and steamed corn on the cob. You might be thinking this dish is lacking a very important ingredient.......Cilantro! You'd be right! The store was all out of cilantro. However, the salsa tasted great and I was surprised I did not miss the cilantro.

Happy Fall

I call this dish Sage Harvest Lasagna. This was a beautiful vegan dish and I felt very accomplished after making it. Which was nice because I have a huge research paper to write that is making me feel very un-accomplished. The sauce is composed of pureed pumpkin, carnival acorn, and kuri squash. It is seasoned with green onion, fresh ginger, garlic, nutmeg and sage. I blended it all together with some coconut milk, earth balance, turbinado and sea salt (all to taste). The filling is two part: first, butternut squash cubed very small then steamed all dente, and seasoned with nutmeg and brown sugar. Second, soaked cashew and tofu ricotta blended with fresh sage, nutritional yeast, and sea salt. I layered sauce, whole grain lasagna, butternut squash filling, the sage cashew ricotta, then chives about three times, then topped with one more layer of lasagna, sauce and chives, and baked at 350 for 30 minutes. The meal took quite a bit of prep. I had to pre-soak the cashews, clean out the 3 various squashes, cut the butternut squash, prepare the cashew ricotta, and boil the pasta. After cleaning out the squashes, I took a pause from cooking to carve them into jack-o-lanterns with Tommy. We made three, the kuri squash for mommy, the pumpkin for Tommy and the carnival acorn for Vivian. I cannot say enough about how wonderful Kuri squash tastes and smells. Out of the three squ ashes, it yielded the most meat and had the best taste. Very sweet and kind of like pumpkin. When I lit the jack-o-lanterns, the smell of all 3 filled my home with a delicious roasted sweetness. I finished off the dinner by adding a simple side dish of sauteed kale with balsamic vinaigrette and toasted seed baguette.

2010.....when's it going to end???

What a year this has been. Funny to read my old posts. I have not even thought about this blog all year. Having two children has been extremely challenging! I feel like I am finally coming up for air. These last 10 months have been rough. I survived my first semester back to school. I survived Calculus and managed to make a B+! But, Chemistry suffered and I only made a C in that class. But, I made an A- in Biology!!!! Then a B in my Populations and Society course. I should have made an A, pardon my French, but the professor was a pretentious bitch. That's how it rolls with Anthropology. However, even though I am proud of my hard work and think my grades are pretty good (especially for a hard school like UT), I am uncertain I will be able to bring up my GPA enough for medical school. GPA aside, I cannot imagine doing anything else now that I have started this journey. On the one hand I feel committed, but on the other, I feel like I am a fool. Not only because of my GPA, but for financial reasons as well as my fear that I will not find a balance between school and motherhood. I fear my relationship with my children will ultimately suffer. I am afraid I will not be able to be the kind of mother I always dreamed of and pursue medicine at the same time. This semester, Fall 2010, I dropped all but one class. With in the first two weeks of school I found myself exhausted, overwhelmed and unable to keep up. I am still up feeding Vivian at night (she is just now 5 months old) and Tommy is full throttle in his terrible twos. I felt like they both needed more of my attention and I needed to put school on pause. I need to rethink my career aspirations and decide what is realistic not only for me, but for my family as well. Not sure what to do. I have been super neurotic and driving everyone around me crazy going back and forth between pursuing medical school or perhaps taking a much lighter load and obtaining an associates degree in nursing from our local community college. This route would allow me to take mostly on line courses and spend triple the amount of time with the children. But, being a nurse if WAY different to being a physician. Currently I am in a Genetic Anthropology class and I love, love, love studying genetics. I am currently working on a research paper covering the relationship of human longevity, evolution and genetics. I have a passion for working with the elderly and whether or not I pursue nursing or medicine, I could very well see myself working in Geriatrics or Gerontology research. We'll see what happens.

When I recall my goal of returning to a vegan diet last January, I have to laugh. Finding time, desire and energy to prepare meals has been a disaster. But, I know I have to make this a priority for me, as well as my family. I am about to begin introducing solids to Vivian's diet. Plus, I feel like a wreck and know getting back on track with my nutrition will help me to feel rejuvenated. I think one of the reason's I have not been motivated to prepare meals, is that I mostly hate working with meat. I have been stuck in such a rut. I find myself preparing the same dishes every week. We took Tommy to the Farmer's Market a couple of weeks ago and had the best time. I have been reading other vegan blogs and feel inspired again. I love the internet and the exchange of knowledge. Sometimes being a mom of two little babies can feel a little isolating. It is nice to be able to connect to people with similar interests from the comfort of my home. When the babies are older, I can get back to a real social life again. Not one that is limited to play dates with other mother's (unless alcohol is involved). Plus, its been hard to be an available friend when I am just trying to keep up with Tommy, Vivian, heaps of laundry, bedtimes, bath times, story times, my husband (who is so patient), research papers, what I am sure is delayed post partum blues, and the need to bury my head in the sand. I know, I know, boo hoo poor me. Don't worry, I'll pull my head out of my ass soon. It's been a weird year, but I am ready to turn it all around.

So, the highlight of my year? Adding little miss Vivian Evangeline to our clan. She is so precious and between Tommy and her, my life is full of love. We call Vivian our star child and Tommy is our fire child. It is fascinating to see how different our children are from one another already. She is super mellow (so far). Vivian was born the day before my 34th birthday on 5/19/2010 around 5am. I can't get enough of her. One of the reasons I am having a hard time with school, is how drawn I am to absorbing every moment with my two children. Since dropping down to the one class I can see that having more time with me has been beneficial to them both. I am afraid if I decide to return to school full time next semester it will poorly affect their development. It is difficult to be fully present with them when I am overwhelmed with assignments. But, I so deeply feel the calling to pursue medicine that I am torn in two. I want to make both work....is it possible? To be continued.

New Year's Tradition

Over the past few years it has become my New Year's tradition to recalibrate my nutritional priorities after losing touch with them over the holidays. Not to mention, being pregnant has not helped much. I was so sick during my first trimester that cooking seemed like a dreadful task. So, I resorted to greasy fast food and anything that was fast and convenient. Shameful, I know.
But, the new year is here and I am in the second trimester, the party trimester, and nesting like crazy. I start school tomorrow for the first time in 1o years. As well, we have a second baby to prepare for. She will be in here in May!
Last night I sauteed fish from Central Market (the absolute best place along with Whole Foods to buy meat and fish in Austin). Central Market is hands down the best place for produce as well. I cannot remember the type of fish we cooked, but it was a cross between a tuna and a swordfish in texture and taste. It had the most beautiful maroon color to the flesh. I created a lemon, rosemary and garlic sauce to pour over the fish and steamed broccoli. Then, I made potato cakes with hashed new potatoes, onion, basil, oregano, chopped sun dried tomatoes, and shredded Parmesan. They were super delicious! For desert I made raw fruit tortes with a cacao sauce. The tortes were made of dates, almonds and macademia nuts with cacao powder. The filling was strawberries and blueberries and the topping was a yummy cacao sauce made from agave nectar, cacao powder and coconut oil. As you can see, the berries were a little tart. I know the meal was not vegan, but it was wholesome and full of goodies. I am so happy to be home from all of the holiday fuss and be in my own kitchen, cooking my own meals!
Tomorrow Tommy begins school as well. I found an adorable learning center and I cannot wait for him to be around other children. The teachers seem great and I am hoping Tommy will be kept stimulated through out his day. Since closing my massage business last November, I have for the most part, been a stay at home mom. We traveled to Dallas to spend the month of December with family, but mostly it has just been the two of us at home together all day. I think Tommy is completely bored with me and ready for something new. He is an itchy scratchy kind of kid (like his mama) and he likes to be on the go! Spending most of his day with other children is exactly what he needs! Tommy loves other children and is going to make a great big brother!

Our own private swimming hole

Did I mention that it is hot? After Tommy's refried bean and avocado mess, I decided we both needed to rinse off as well as keep cool. Luckily we have a well shaded back yard. Okay enough playing. It is nap time and I have a house to clean. This has been the best summer I have ever had. Being a mom is the best!

Tommy and the Spoon

Here is Tommy eating with a spoon. I came home one day and Tommy's nanny had him playing with a spoon. Until I saw this, I had no clue what a great thing spoons are. They keep Tommy very entertained. Somedays are like today where he will feed himself with the spoon. But, be prepared for the spoon to be thrown down on the floor more often than not. I guess Tommy really likes the refried beans.