What a year this has been. Funny to read my old posts. I have not even thought about this blog all year. Having two children has been extremely challenging! I feel like I am finally coming up for air. These last 10 months have been rough. I survived my first semester back to school. I survived Calculus and managed to make a B+! But, Chemistry suffered and I only made a C in that class. But, I made an A- in Biology!!!! Then a B in my Populations and Society course. I should have made an A, pardon my French, but the professor was a pretentious bitch. That's how it rolls with Anthropology. However, even though I am proud of my hard work and think my grades are pretty good (especially for a hard school like UT), I am uncertain I will be able to bring up my GPA enough for medical school. GPA aside, I cannot imagine doing anything else now that I have started this journey. On the one hand I feel committed, but on the other, I feel like I am a fool. Not only because of my GPA, but for financial reasons as well as my fear that I will not find a balance between school and motherhood. I fear my relationship with my children will ultimately suffer. I am afraid I will not be able to be the kind of mother I always dreamed of and pursue medicine at the same time. This semester, Fall 2010, I dropped all but one class. With in the first two weeks of school I found myself exhausted, overwhelmed and unable to keep up. I am still up feeding Vivian at night (she is just now 5 months old) and Tommy is full throttle in his terrible twos. I felt like they both needed more of my attention and I needed to put school on pause. I need to rethink my career aspirations and decide what is realistic not only for me, but for my family as well. Not sure what to do. I have been super neurotic and driving everyone around me crazy going back and forth between pursuing medical school or perhaps taking a much lighter load and obtaining an associates degree in nursing from our local community college. This route would allow me to take mostly on line courses and spend triple the amount of time with the children. But, being a nurse if WAY different to being a physician. Currently I am in a Genetic Anthropology class and I love, love, love studying genetics. I am currently working on a research paper covering the relationship of human longevity, evolution and genetics. I have a passion for working with the elderly and whether or not I pursue nursing or medicine, I could very well see myself working in Geriatrics or Gerontology research. We'll see what happens.
When I recall my goal of returning to a vegan diet last January, I have to laugh. Finding time, desire and energy to prepare meals has been a disaster. But, I know I have to make this a priority for me, as well as my family. I am about to begin introducing solids to Vivian's diet. Plus, I feel like a wreck and know getting back on track with my nutrition will help me to feel rejuvenated. I think one of the reason's I have not been motivated to prepare meals, is that I mostly hate working with meat. I have been stuck in such a rut. I find myself preparing the same dishes every week. We took Tommy to the Farmer's Market a couple of weeks ago and had the best time. I have been reading other vegan blogs and feel inspired again. I love the internet and the exchange of knowledge. Sometimes being a mom of two little babies can feel a little isolating. It is nice to be able to connect to people with similar interests from the comfort of my home. When the babies are older, I can get back to a real social life again. Not one that is limited to play dates with other mother's (unless alcohol is involved). Plus, its been hard to be an available friend when I am just trying to keep up with Tommy, Vivian, heaps of laundry, bedtimes, bath times, story times, my husband (who is so patient), research papers, what I am sure is delayed post partum blues, and the need to bury my head in the sand. I know, I know, boo hoo poor me. Don't worry, I'll pull my head out of my ass soon. It's been a weird year, but I am ready to turn it all around.
So, the highlight of my year? Adding little miss Vivian Evangeline to our clan. She is so precious and between Tommy and her, my life is full of love. We call Vivian our star child and Tommy is our fire child. It is fascinating to see how different our children are from one another already. She is super mellow (so far). Vivian was born the day before my 34th birthday on 5/19/2010 around 5am. I can't get enough of her. One of the reasons I am having a hard time with school, is how drawn I am to absorbing every moment with my two children. Since dropping down to the one class I can see that having more time with me has been beneficial to them both. I am afraid if I decide to return to school full time next semester it will poorly affect their development. It is difficult to be fully present with them when I am overwhelmed with assignments. But, I so deeply feel the calling to pursue medicine that I am torn in two. I want to make both work....is it possible? To be continued.
I call this dish Sage Harvest Lasagna. This was a beautiful vegan dish and I felt very accomplished after making it. Which was nice because I have a huge research paper to write that is making me feel very un-accomplished. The sauce is composed of pureed pumpkin, carnival acorn, and kuri squash. It is seasoned with green onion, fresh ginger, garlic, nutmeg and sage. I blended it all together with some coconut milk, earth balance, turbinado and sea salt (all to taste). The filling is two part: first, butternut squash cubed very small then steamed all dente, and seasoned with nutmeg and brown sugar. Second, soaked cashew and tofu ricotta blended with fresh sage, nutritional yeast, and sea salt. I layered sauce, whole grain lasagna, butternut squash filling, the sage cashew ricotta, then chives about three times, then topped with one more layer of lasagna, sauce and chives, and baked at 350 for 30 minute
s. The meal took quite a bit of prep. I had to pre-soak the cashews, clean out the 3 various squashes, cut the butternut squash, prepare the cashew ricotta, and boil the pasta. After cleaning out the squashes, I took a pause from cooking to carve them into jack-o-lanterns with Tommy. We made three, the kuri squash for mommy, the pumpkin for Tommy and the carnival acorn for Vivian. I 
cannot say enough about how wonderful Kuri squash tastes and smells. Out of the three squ ashes, it yielded the most meat and had the best taste. Very sweet and kind of like pumpkin. When I lit the jack-o-lanterns, the smell of all 3 filled my home with a delicious roasted sweetness. I finished off the dinner by adding a simple side dish of sauteed kale with balsamic vinaigrette and toasted seed baguette.
